How to Validate Your Partner

Everyone wants to feel validated because everyone has feelings, but being there for someone when they need you the most can be challenging, especially in a relationship. 

If you’re pondering the question, you’ve come to the right place. Validation is a technique that can be practiced and perfected. It’s a pull system that necessitates two super-achievable ingredients: attention and kindness. 

Keep in mind that this is our spin on partner validation. What works for you and yours may be completely different from what we convey, and that’s OK! Every relationship is unique, and it’s all about finding the right balance that works for both of you. So, feel free to adapt and modify these tips to suit your specific dynamics. 

Active Listening is King

Active listening is not just a skill; it's a powerful tool that can strengthen your relationship. When you dial down the distractions and tune your ears to what your partner is communicating to you, you can strengthen your emotional bond and connection in your relationship. If something has your partner worked up or in distress—if they are attempting to communicate something to you—there’s good reason to believe it’s important to them. You should respect this idea and treat the information accordingly. 

Use Verbal Validation

Show interest in the conversation and listen actively. Let your partner speak, and respond appropriately. Don’t talk over them. This is their moment, their catharsis, and they deserve to have it. Provide an “okay,” “uh-huh,” or other cue that validates your listening. It’s OK to ask questions that deepen your understanding of the conversation.

Pay Attention to Body Language

Pay attention to your and your partner’s body language equally. Your body language will depict the level of intent you’ve entered the conversation with, and your partner’s body language should give clues into their state of mind, level of stress, or what they might need at that moment. Being stressed or upset is not a linear experience. 

Don’t Just Agree

You’re verbally validating, paying attention to body language, and listening intently. Great. This is where the balance comes in. These actions serve as silent cues to your partner that they're not alone in their stress. If possible, try to guide the conversation toward a resolution by asking questions or providing helpful suggestions.

Vibe Check Your Opinion

Knowing when to express your opinion and when to keep it to yourself is a valuable communication skill. As mentioned earlier, this is a moment for your partner to express their emotions, and feelings, and, hopefully, find clarity regarding the issue. And even though they’ve involved you, it does not necessarily mean they seek your opinion. “Do you want my opinion on this?” is a great way to signal you have something to say without stealing your partner’s moment or jumping into a fix-it mentality. Just like you listen attentively to them, you want to confirm they are in a space to listen to you actively.

More Ways to Level Up Communication

If there’s an inarguable truth to this article, it’s that communication is hard, especially when you’re trying to validate someone’s feelings as they’re happening. It ebbs and flows, and as we previously equated it, the act of validation is a pull system. It depends on the relationship’s personality, but combining various aspects of the above should move you incrementally closer to the type of listener you want to be in these situations, for your partner and others.  

The Official App is a relationship app made to pump fun and zest into your relationship, but also enhance communication through features like “Check-in,” “Set Mood,” and “Love Buttons.” Using these features for proactive communication or validation is a technique users can take instant advantage of.

And when validating your partner, remember that practice makes perfect!